


Vision Of Love

by PrincessMisery86



Series: The Secrets We Keep [5]
Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, Romantic Fluff, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 15:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21430135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessMisery86/pseuds/PrincessMisery86
Summary: Sam finds a way to tell Erin he loves her for the first time before he blurts it out in a not so romantic way. He sees an opportunity and takes it, even if Dean is present to potentially ruin the moment.Warnings: fluff, followed by some angst. Song & Artist: Vision of Love - Mariah CareyNotes: Sam & Erin prequel/prologue. I’ve never played Scrabble on mobile and I’ve no idea how points work, I also have no clue when it comes to math - odds and probability etc, but just go with it, this is fiction after all.Characters: Sam Winchester, OFC (Erin), Dean Winchester. Mentioned: John Winchester, Jessica Moore.Pairing: Sam x OFC (Erin).A/N: I’m proud of this one. I think it’s some of my best work. It came out of nowhere and it was fun to write.
Relationships: Sam Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Secrets We Keep [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1518842
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2
Collections: Princess Misery A-Z Song Fic Challenge





	Vision Of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hey and welcome! So to make long story short, I have progressive hearing loss in my left ear (I have lost 80% of my hearing so far.) Docs say my right ear will also start to deteriorate, there’s no explanation for it and it’s irreversible. I’m not looking for sympathy, it is what it is. But it does mean I have been listening to a shit ton of music lately, every chance I get, which is sparking inspiration for fics. So I’ve set myself a challenge (thanks for the idea @negans-lucille-tblr and @firefly-in-darkness) to write a fic based on a song for every letter of the alphabet.   
Notes:  
I have a few ideas already but don’t have any set completion date, I will write and post as they come to me.   
Fics will more than likely be for Supernatural or Jensen/Jared but will make sure to label accordingly.   
There’s no specific music genre - I listen to everything, rock, pop, hip hop, r’n’b, rap, dance, metal, house, garage, I will listen to anything if I like it.   
Welcome to send me some ideas.   
It may be a whole song that I take inspiration from or just a certain line or lines. Lyrics will be in each post.   
Posting to Tumblr too - @PrincessMisery666

Sam had never liked to lose, mainly because he always seemed to be the best at whatever he turned his hand to. Playing a very competitive and serious game of Scrabble against Erin in the back of the Impala and purposely holding back was somewhat uncomfortable, but the payoff of restraining himself would be worth it. 

The scoreboard revealed she was leading by one hundred and four points. He could have overtaken her on his previous turn. But he was saving the letters he had until the last one he required, but didn’t have, was placed on the gameboard. He’d done the math, the tiles already on the screen and the remaining available letters meant “U” should come up soon; the probability was unquestionable. 

Erin treated the game as seriously as she always did. She’d slid out of Sam’s embrace and across the back seat, as far from him as she could get, to shield her phone from his view while they played. The need to beat Sam, at least once, meant she went as far as making sure her phone screen wasn’t reflected in the window beside her.

He gazed at her while she contemplated her next move, a proud grin gracing her lips as she began to type, and the expression made Sam giddy almost to the point of blurting out the declaration then, but he bit his tongue like he had done three times in the last twenty-four hours.

Sam had never questioned the existence of love, though he’d rarely had an opportunity to see it up close. He’d seen the effects losing love could have on someone, what it made them capable of, in John. He’d briefly had a glimpse at the good side of it with Jess, but that had been snatched away from him. He hadn’t known then what he knew now. He’d known about the bad in the world, but not _all_ of it. Jess hadn’t known the half of it, and occasionally he still wonders if she would have loved him if she had known the truth. 

Erin knew. She knew the bad, all of it. She knew the evilness of what was out there, the evil Sam had done—what he was capable of, even if it were for the greater good–and she was still by his side. Somehow, it made his feelings deeper. Or maybe it was just different this time. 

Hours on the road, as a kid and after Stanford, Sam had had time to create his vision of what love should be, the elements he believed he needed to love someone. Trust was top of the list. No secrets. Which led to honesty, no matter the cost. Willingness to compromise was next. No relationship was all rainbows and Hallmark moments, there would be times it took effort and hard work. Compromise led to communication, telling your significant other if something bothered you, leaning on one another when things got tough.

He didn’t expect love to be undemanding. He led a colorful life. Whoever loved him would require patience and understanding in addition to the things on his Vision of Love list. It would be, at times, overwhelming and arduous, but he’d never been afraid of a little hard work, and he knew the partner he chose would have to hold the same values. 

Then he’d met Erin. Their relationship was almost effortless, like breathing, easy and natural. And she had ticked every single one of his boxes and more he didn’t know he had. He felt as though she was an answer to a dream he never thought he’d get to live. So two months after they met, she quickly became an everyday feature in his life, on the road with him and Dean, and his feelings had soon progressed. He’d known for weeks now, maybe even before she came on the road with them, but neither of them had said the words. He wasn’t sure she felt the same, but it didn’t matter. He felt it, and he wasn’t going to hold back. 

He loved her, was _in_ love with her. But he wanted the moment to be romantic, not an ‘I’m worried you’re going to get hurt’ so I’m saying it or an ‘I’m so relieved you’re okay’. And though it could be romantic to say ‘I love you’ while in the midst of passion, on the very cusp of a body shuddering orgasm or in the aftermath, he wanted it to be more memorable, pure almost.

In the backseat of the Impala, heading back to the motel after a salt and burn, hadn’t been his idea of the ideal setting for a romantic gesture, but he seized what he thought to be a destined opportunity. Besides, if he didn’t do it soon, he would blurt it out in the most unromantic place possible and ruin the whole thing. 

Erin completed her turn, then sneered at Sam with a smug grin, waggling her brow. “Beat that, Winchester,” she challenged. 

He grinned and checked his phone. She’d scored ninety-two points with the word ‘Cothurni’ - footwear worn in ancient Greece - the victory made that much sweeter as it was something he had taught her.

Sam nodded, impressed, “So you do listen when I tell you useless facts.”

“Not so useless now, is it?” she chuckled. Sam laughed as he took his turn. He could see her gloating, hip wiggle dance in her seat from the corner of his eye, and it was something he’d add to the list of cute things she did that he was accumulating.

Sam’s fingers hovered over the screen, his hesitant thumbs working up the nerve. The longer he paused, the harder and faster his heart pounded. He’d been waiting for the moment, but now that he was taking the shot, he couldn’t help thinking he was about to change the playful tone of the game and their relationship forever. He just hoped the change was a good one.

Erin feigned shock. Holding a hand to her chest, she gasped, “Is the great and smart _Sam Winchester_ struggling? Do you need some help, baby?” she cooed, pinching his cheek, her bottom lip jutting comically as she goaded him.

Sam refrained from leaning in to bite her protruding lip and laughed. “I’ll show you smart,” he promised as he finally pressed enter.

He stared as she read the screen, her brow furrowed, somewhat confused for a moment before she realized his play wasn’t part of the game and was, in fact, a declaration. Her eyes shot up from her screen to capture his, the gloating smirk now replaced with a happy grin. Sam had used the U of her previous word to spell out ‘I Love You’. 

The leather squeaked under Erin’s jeans as she slid across the bench seat, her arm smoothing over Sam’s shoulders to use him as leverage to pull herself closer. She kissed him, hard, and he reciprocated by twisting to slink his arm around her waist and draw her into him. When he ran his tongue over her bottom lip, she pulled back to gaze into his eyes. “I love you, too, smart-ass,” she told him, loud enough that only he could hear.

He puffed out a laugh, his breath blowing a few loose strands of her hair around her face before he smoothed them behind her ear. He cupped her face and guided her toward him as he moved in to kiss her again.

The kiss deepened, and after a moment that wasn’t long enough, Dean piped up from the front seat, “Hey, hey! Cool the PDA in my Baby.”

They laughed as they reluctantly pulled apart, Erin positioning herself to rest her head on Sam’s chest, his arm around her, hand resting on her hip. He placed a sweet kiss in her hair. 

“I totally won that game by the way,” declared Erin, and he could hear the smile in her voice. 

He squeezed her hip playfully when he replied, “I think we’re both winners here.”

_____

_“I think we’re both winners here.” _

The steady rhythm of Sam’s heartbeat under Erin’s ear where she rested her head on his chest would normally have lulled her to sleep. But now, each strong beat seemed to be an allegation, each loud drum inciting a new question. How could she allow him to love her? How could she claim to love him?

She had told him she loved him too, and she meant it. She did love him. She’d loved before, had had two serious relationships before him. But she had never felt for anyone else what she felt for Sam.

Erin had recognized the shift in her feelings for the younger Winchester weeks ago. As a result, she had tried to walk away. Sam deserved better than to live a lie - even if he wasn’t aware of it. She’d packed her bags and walked out of the bunker while he was on a hunt, though she hadn’t even made it to her car before she had been reminded of the consequences of her decision to leave.

Sam didn’t love her, he loved the version of her she had shown him. She was playing a role; at least that’s what she kept telling herself, and apparently playing it exceptionally well to have him declaring his love for her after such a short period of time. She preferred to pretend she was faking who she was, though when she really thought about it, the only thing that she had lied about, so far, were the circumstances under which they met. Falling in love with Sam Winchester had been effortless, almost unpreventable, though just as unexpected. But she understood, if he knew the truth, knew how she came to be in his life, the things she was doing behind his back, he would detest her. The thought constricted her throat, and she pulled him tighter against her.

Sam mistook the gesture. Kissing the top of her head, he hummed, “I love you.” 

Erin couldn’t say it again, not now that her self-loathing was setting in. 

Her relationship with Sam, and the life she was living alongside him for that matter, wasn’t what she had visualized. When she was a young woman in college, she’d dreamed of a high paid career, wild weekends with her girlfriends, and when she finally settled down, lavish vacations with her partner, holidays spent with the love of her life and her family. Nevertheless, she loved the life she led now. Not just Sam, but every aspect of it: Dean, being on the road, hunting, researching, making a difference in the world. 

Her Aunt Mimi had always told her that dreams change, warned her that her perception of happiness and what she wanted from life would evolve when she met the right person. She hadn’t believed her until now. Mimi’s favorite line to tell people was “Erin was born for the storm, the calm does not suit her.” Erin always brushed it off as just one of those wacky things that her doting Aunt often said because Erin was actually born _during_ a storm, but now it seemed to make sense. The quiet did scare her, because that’s when her mind was loudest. Maybe Erin craved chaos. That high paid career and lavish vacations would have sent her cuckoo, and that’s why she had inadvertently fallen for Sam. 

So the words had been said, the lie taken a step further, there was no going back now. Erin was in it. Completely. She had no choice but to continue down the path of being in love with Sam Winchester. And although to do so was not a hardship, it broke her heart to love him. For she knew, the bedrock foundation that Sam believed their love was built on was in fact the edge of a cliff that was slowly corroding and was destined to topple into the merciless tide beneath it. 


End file.
